stories in and

Dead Sexy by Cameo MacPherson

A light-hearted and lightly steamy fantasy/paranormal romance.... because sometimes falling in love can be harder than hunting the undead. Cassie Jones, the head of Jones' Post-Mortem Tracking Agency, has been cursed with a capital "C." Thanks to an unfortunate incident with an angry wizard, any guy she falls for is guaranteed to betray her. So when David MacDuff - the most mouthwatering man she's ever had the misfortune to meet - hires her to track his recently deceased brother, Gideon, she knows she's got to keep things strictly professional. Yeah, like that's gonna happen. Maybe she should have stuck to hunting vampires after all.


The Acorn Stories by Duane Simolke

Visit the West Texas town of Acorn! Enjoy the German festival, a high school football game, homemade apple pie from the Turner Street Café, and the cool shade of a hundred-year-old oak tree. Meet dedicated teachers, unusual artists, shrewd business owners, closeted gays, and concerned neighbors. See how lives become intertwined in moments of humor or tragedy. Just be careful, because in Acorn, the sky is always falling! From romantic comedy to razor-sharp satire to moments of quiet reflection, Duane Simolke’s award-winning tales transform a fictional West Texas town into a tapestry of human experiences. “A lush tangle of small-town life branches out in this engrossing collection of short stories.” –Kirkus Reviews “The ability to depict such a wide cross section of humanity, including details of each character’s breadth of knowledge and experience, takes a talented, insightful author, and Duane Simolke is such a writer.” –E. Conley, Betty’s Books


TOM by Dave Freer

Tom is a cat in trouble. The worst possible kind of trouble: he’s been turned into a human. Transformed by an irascible old magician in need of a famulus -- a servant and an assistant, Tom is as good at being a servant as a cat ever is. The assistant part is more to Tom’s taste: he rather fancies impressing the girl cats and terrorizing the other toms by transforming himself into a tiger. But the world of magic, a vanished and cursed princess, and a haunted skull, and a demon in the chamber-pot, to say nothing of conspiring wizards and the wickedest witch in the west, all seem to be out to kill Tom. He is a cat coming to terms with being a boy, dealing with all this. He has a raven and a cheese as… sort of allies. And of course there is the princess. If you were looking for ‘War and Peace’ this is the wrong book for you. It’s a light-hearted and gently satirical fantasy, full of terrible puns and… cats.


Path of Simon: Book One of the Infernal Jest by Thomas Marlowe

Does power ever bow to the human constructs of good and evil or it simply obeys the hand that wields it? Afraid for his niece, gravedigger Tim Stockton goes against everything he believes in to help his brother-in-law settle a debt with the mob by stealing jewelry from a deceased rap star’s grave. But in that coffin Tim finds more than he bargained for. Trapped inside a ruby, an ancient power awakens from its slumber and possesses the gravedigger, leading him straight to the dungeon of the Order of Simon. There, plagued by the constant jabbering of his demonic captor and its cries of innocence echoing off the moldy walls, Tim must decide whether he will undertake the Path of Simon for the salvation of his soul and the future of the world as demonic legions from the pits of Hell seek to stake a claim for the entity within the gravedigger. With the aid of the inquisitors of the Order and unexpected allies from the worlds beyond, will Tim find strength to contain the power within and silence the rising doubts in his quest? Or will he falter and bring doom upon the humankind?


Shithole USA by Mark Zirbel

A syphilitic plague has ravaged the Sunshine State, transforming its residents into sex-crazed mutants. All is well, however, within the World Village, a walled-in retirement paradise that stretches across central Florida. But something stinks in the World Village-literally. The seniors have started worshipping their excrement. Enter Hank Shatley, a retired police detective with an unnatural fear of feces. To repay a life debt, Hank must go undercover in the World Village to investigate Alfred Peora, the community's enigmatic leader. Hank's fate is linked with that of Ryan Herro, a corporate lackey whose mother has fallen under Peora's spell. As Hank and Ryan's stories converge, the universe begins to unravel. Realities collide. Hell invades Earth. And at the center of it all is a mysterious young woman with a purple mohawk and unimaginable powers. Mark Zirbel, the Wonderland Award-nominated author of Cyberpunk Zombie Jihad, takes you through a cyberpunk-bizarro world filled with turd terrorists, nanite technology, corporate Satanism, shit golems, a syndicate of supervillains, bickering puppets, and an alien city modeled after 1980s crime movies. When you're on a journey like this, be sure to book your stopover in Shithole USA.


The Royal Matchmaking Competition: Princess Qloey by Zoiy G. Galloay

One princess searching for her prince charming. Twelve princes, dukes, elves, and a commoner, competing for the princess’s heart. One assassin among the bachelors, plotting to kill the princess and bring the empire to its knees. Warning: this fantasy romance contains dangerously hot princes, sexy elves, and a heart-throbbing peasant. Read at your own risk!


Escape From Samsara: A Dark Comedy Fantasy Adventure (Prophecy Allocation) by Nicky Blue

"Tear-inducingly funny and impossible to put down!" (OVER 100 FIVE STAR REVIEWS ACROSS AMAZON AND GOODREADS!) A fatal mistake catapults Barry Harris into the adventure of a lifetime. With talking hedges, samurai ghosts, meddling psychotherapists, and an inexplicably non-linear time pattern conspiring against him, Barry must do battle to save his hide, unleash the ninja within, and rescue his father from an ancient army, a dark sorcerer and a raging inferno.


Hacking George by Bob Palmer

Playing God is a dangerous game, even if you do write the rules and think they’re pretty neat. Following a road-rage incident in which he was the victim, middle-aged cynic George Sanderson has an epiphany. He believes he has the power to influence fate and set the world to rights. During a meticulously-planned intervention to help his friend Angela Hayworth, the two fall in love. George’s lonely existence looks set to improve. But he’s about to discover that playing games with people’s lives is fraught with danger. And when his life starts to fall apart, he’s forced to confront the frightening truth… Someone is manipulating him. But why? With his freedom and sanity at stake, George must fight for everything he holds dear – especially his lawn, his meat thermometer, and Angela’s perfect teeth. Perfect for fans of Fredrik Backman, Graeme Simsion, Richard Osman, and Jonas Jonasson, Hacking George will put a smile on your face and a tear in your eye as it drives you towards its startling end. Editorial review "Not To Be Missed. If ever proof were needed that a good book doesn’t need a tortuously complicated plot, a high body count and gratuitous sex and violence then this is it." – Reedsy Discovery


Invention Is a Mother by Rob Brownell

RESPONSIBILITY IS OVERRATED. A recently graduated and happily unemployed engineer, Shaughnessy shirks responsibility whenever possible. He coasts through life, sidestepping every opportunity to follow in his father Walton’s footsteps, until Walton begins to suspect that he has MFD (Mysterious Fatal Disease). The family coerces Shaughnessy to impersonate his father as a senior engineer at Critical Think Inc. There, he is immediately entangled in the development of an irrational consumer product. Pressured to innovate in the face of absurd challenges and fantastical demands, Shaughnessy teeters on the edge between breakthrough and breakdown. In a near future where you are what you wear, can an idling young engineer successfully navigate corporate startup culture, accept his family’s medical crisis, and harness his full creative potential? Fans of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and Good Omens will enjoy laugh-out-loud collisions with the limits of reason in Invention Is a Mother.


Thirteenth by C.M Rosens

Lovecraftian horror meets kitchen sink drama in this dry, darkly funny tale of toxic families, killers and cannibals, eldritch body horror and antihero female rage. ~ Katy Porter is the thirteenth child of a thirteenth child in an inbred family of eldritch horrors, and her own eventual metamorphosis will change her into a creature that hungers for her family's flesh. To some, she's a threat - to others, a weapon. Katy needs allies to help her control her Changes, but she's stuck with her oldest brother, a drug-addled playboy who voted to have her killed but is chaotic enough to have genuinely changed his mind, and her eyeball-eating, god-like cousin, whose idea of protecting her involves abduction, dark rituals, and encouraging her homicidal side. If anyone is going to survive Katy's transformation, scores need to be settled and fears need to be faced - and Katy is not the only one who needs to face them. THIRTEENTH is an eldritch family drama with a Lovecraftian twist on HANNIBAL RISING meets FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS, set it in East Sussex. Content Warnings for drug use, self harm, suicide ideation, incest, violence, gore, body horror, and strong language. Adult Horror. Full list of CWs can be found on its product page at cmrosens.com.


Norse Mythology for Bostonians: A Transcription of the Impudent Edda by Rowdy Geirsson

Norse Mythology for Bostonians is a humorous retelling of the trials and tribulations of Odin, Thor, and the other Norse gods. Regarded as an authentic, new "Edda" (as the original Icelandic source material is called), the main narrative is told in the charmingly quaint dialect of a foul-mouthed Bostonian. New mythological episodes, such as Thor's attempt to renew his driver's license and Odin's mysterious journey to Boston Common, supplement the more traditional stories such as Odin's acquisition of the mead of poetry and the theft of Idunn's apples of youth. Substantial historical background information about the myths is provided in the introductory material, as well as in the footnotes that occur throughout the volume. Based on the long-running McSweeney's Internet Tendency column Norse History for Bostonians, Norse Mythology for Bostonians, introduces readers to a fresh, new perspective on both familiar and previously unknown narratives of Norse mythology.


The Chronicles of Spoony, Vols. 1-3 by Jim Larsen

Spoony is a kid with a heart of gold. He loves hugs, he loves affection, and he values friendship and family. But there is something about him that isn’t quite right. He can’t kick a ball, he can’t play Duck Duck Goose, and he confuses regular people for clowns. He thinks a fictitious character on an old TV show is his dad, and he just has a general way of ruining things for other people while remaining blissfully unaware. His mom isn’t much better. Embarrassed by the drunken one-night stand that created Spoony, she has perpetrated numerous lies to save face and avoid humiliation over the truth that Spoony’s father real father is the lanky Burt Peppermill, and that an overindulgence of lime flavored Jell-O shooters led her to lower her standards enough to let him touch her in that way. All her lies, however, come crashing down on them both the day Spoony finally kicks a ball in P.E. class, resulting in a trip to the emergency room where a number of surprises await. The Chronicles of Spoony, Vols. 1-3 offer delightfully dark reminders of how our words and actions around children shape their beliefs and affect their lives in profound and often invisible ways.


L Extreme by JL Civi

A Love Extreme is the greatest double debut album you've probably never heard -- but really should! B is for Benji, an aspiring musician with a bad case of writer’s block and a love story he’s not allowed to tell (but does anyways). C is for Count, Benji’s roommate who wants to help him get his groove back. D is for DJ, C’s love interest who may or may not be D as in dead. E is for Evilon. (He’s the villain, if that wasn’t clear from his name…) F is for Frank, the strong silent neighbor down the hall. G is for genre, a difficult concept to apply here. Is it a) Comedy? b) Romance? c) Fairy Tale? d) Magical Realism? e) Faux Biography? f) Infomercial? g) Album-oriented Fan Fiction? Let’s go with… H) All of the above! IJK are letters we’re skipping in this very absurd blurb. L is for…well, nobody really knows what L stands for. That’s part of the mystery that makes her extreme. M is for Mmmmmm, the title of a dreamy chapter near the midpoint. N is for Narrator. That’s me, your guide on this journey. Oh boy! Presenting Quarkle's ramshackle story the universe values with Xtreme youthful zest. (That rounds out our alphabet, but only scratches the surface of our wild tale.) L EXTREME: An original novel by JL Civi, based on the songs of Benji Hughes A novel based on an album is a book with a killer soundtrack.


Bonkpocalypse by L. A. Guettler

Bonk isn’t a normal cat. It’s glitchy, rusty, its eyes don’t match—and it’s only getting worse. Red Darkling, its owner and all-around space babe, is determined to find out what’s wrong. Red’s investigation takes her across the galaxy, from Chuck’s Tap to the Whore’s Knuckles, from Dr. Mn’s Vet Clinic and Oil Change Emporium to The Meaty Noodle. Along the way, she’s joined by a lounge lizard, a government assassin and her busty wife, and some suspiciously hospitable monks. Will Red uncover Bonk’s secret? Who is Todhunter Balzac? And will she ever get that damn FlinkBar jingle out of her head? Advance praise for Bonkpocalypse “It’s just the book I was looking for." ~The Serendipitous Teh “A powerful exploration of a young woman’s struggle to find her place in the galaxy.” ~Fritzi Giggler “More fun than a C’longi bachelor party.” ~Dirk Largo


The Scandinavian Aggressors by Rowdy Geirsson

An offbeat odyssey into the freezing heart of the modern Northlands The Scandinavian Aggressors chronicles Rowdy Geirsson's tireless quest to uncover the secret history of the early 21st century's resurgence of authentic viking activity known as the Modern Viking Movement. Along the way he meets modern viking luminaries such as Trond "Troll-Breath" Trondsen, who successfully raided a historic monastery's gift shop in England; Björn Svensson, who habitually recited classic rock lyrics at the site of each of his infamous berserkings; and Ingrid Törnblom, who founded an elite warrior sisterhood that drew comparisons to the Spartans of ancient Greece, the Samurai of feudal Japan, and perhaps most flattering of all, the Jedi Knights of the Intergalactic Republic. Encounters with additional Neo-Norse individuals augment the journey, revealing long-hidden details about the slaying of a creepy troll in Beowulf's homeland, the brewing of craft beer from within pagan burial mounds, and the suffering of horrendous digestive problems amidst the breathtaking natural beauty of Iceland's remarkable landscape. Topical, informative, and highly insightful, The Scandinavian Aggressors not only provides essential reading for anyone with even a remote interest in the Modern Viking Movement, but also spins a darn good yarn about the fragility of the Scandinavian condition.


Why Odin Drinks by Bjørn Larssen

In the beginning there was confusion. Then Gods created people. Confusion was better. Well, have YOU ever woken up not knowing how to God properly? Poor Odin must restrain his brothers, who create offensive weapons such as mosquitoes and celery; placate his future-telling wife, Frigg, who demands sweatpants with pockets; listen to Loki’s Helpful Questions; hang himself from Yggdrasil for nine days with a spear through his side (as you do); teach everyone about nutritional values of kale (but NOT celery); meet a Wise Dom, Sir Daddy Mímir, in order to outwit those who outwit him; and, most importantly, prove he is The All-Father, while his brothers are, at best, Those-Uncles-We-Don’t-Talk-About. This nearly (except in Vanaheim) universally acclaimed retelling of the Gods’ first millennium answers way too many questions, including ones on Freyr’s entendre, horse designing… and why Odin drinks. 'So, I loved it! Here's my quote: "Funny, quirky and surreal, this is the Norse myth you've been craving." Will it do?' – Joanne Harris, author of The Gospel of Loki and Chocolat Why Odin Drinks, a Norse Mythology retelling for fans of Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams, Jenny Lawson, and Calvin & Hobbes is suitable for readers aged 14+. The book features no graphic descriptions, although some characters wish it would.


Am I Alone? John K by Stephanie Vlahos

John K hurtles to Mars. He is a chance hero - the first person to travel to Mars. Alone. in a space capsule, lonely in his reflections, yet he finds love. He contemplates Earth - a failing planet with a collapsing ecology. The beautiful green and blue which is fast disappearing. What does the future hold for John K. and all those he has left behind.


Blazing Coffins by Jowsey Jones

Jowsey Jones is the newest comedy fantasy voice in town and he brings you a tumbling SFF farce with Blazing Coffins, the first in The Monster Twins series. Theda and Wolfie are The Monster Twins and boy, do they have their hands full in this madcap good vs evil romp with a mind-boggling cast of monstrosities. Sad sack Theda is woken from a horrible hex and finds there is more to life than drudgery in her uncle’s wonky funeral parlour. Something is tingling in her teeth, and wait…why has her dimwit hunk of a brother sprouted a tail? Before long, the twins are chasing around a bizarro America trying to save their parents from a lunatic sorcerer with pharaonic delusions. They face an army of crackpot enemies: a vampire haberdasher and his toothy cohort, bumbling claymen, and a beautiful, insatiable nightmare from the ancient Steppes. Even Santa gets a cameo, and he isn’t very nice at all. Thankfully, they have some monsters of their own to help: an old-school Frankencouple and a Green Man with his snippety eco-warrior wife. Plus a trio of cheerful dead people, the world’s worst paranormal investigator, and a lovelorn bogman in dire need of moisturiser. Welcome to a fearless frolic that sacrifices anything for a laugh. Get your giggles here with Blazing Coffins.


The Mystery Of The Murdered Guy by G.M. Nair

After their very public triumph over the sinister machinations of the Future Group, Michael Duckett and Stephanie Dyer's accidental detective agency has become a household name. Practically overnight, they've cemented their place as the city's go-to sleuths for solving the weird, oddball cases that would confuse and irritate anyone else. Join them as they tackle the mysteries of a medically licensed vampire, a mysterious mad bomber, a genderfluid reverse werewolf, and the true meaning of Christmas - just to name a few. Meanwhile, an aging billionaire obsesses over his plans to achieve immortality, which could mean dire consequences for the world. But with Duckett & Dyer: Dicks For Hire on the case, what could go wrong? If you said 'everything', you'd be correct.


Before and After by Andrew Shanahan

THE BEST-SELLING SCI-FI THRILLER THAT BLENDS HEALTHY LIVING AND LOTS OF DYING "A big fat five stars. This is a horror story. It's a visceral portrait of addiction and the hope of redemption in a world turned mad by hate and fear. The worst thing is that it is true. A must-read." Jane Almond-Deville, The British Obesity Society. Ben Stone is terrified. He's terrified because he weighs 601 pounds and needs his right leg amputating. He's terrified because a crane will shortly lift him from his fourth-floor flat and lower him 44 feet to an ambulance waiting below. He's terrified because he hasn't been outside in nine years and he doesn't know who will look after his beautiful dog. He needn't worry though, because the world is about to end.


Utopia PR by Adam Bender

Humor Book Winner in the 2021 IndieReader Discovery Awards A sci-fi satire about seeking work-life balance while doing public relations for an authoritarian president. PR extraordinaire Blake Hamner (the n is silent) put off his honeymoon for his big break: joining a major political campaign for president. Now, the "Hammer" struggles to make time for his marriage as Crisis Communications Manager for Our Leader, who since taking power has become increasingly mad and totalitarian. The Hammer starts to reconsider his career choices when one of Our Leader's savage steel hounds attacks the Comms team at a press conference. He'd love to talk about his erratic job with his wife, Triple-N news anchor Maria Worthington, but they have a rule: the broadcast journalist doesn't ask Blake for inside information about his work, and the spin doctor doesn't use their relationship as leverage on what Maria reports. They say you shouldn't keep things from each other in a marriage, but it's OK--the only secrets between Blake and Maria are professional. When a revolutionary levels grave allegations against Our Leader--and accuses Blake of distributing disinformation and propaganda to cover it up--the PR rep who thought he could talk his way out of any crisis finds himself utterly trapped in a dystopian job.


Excalibur Nights by Daniel Aegan

Excalibur Nights is just a book… Or is it? What is Ralph supposed to know about fantasy books meant for young adults anyways? He’s an electrician by trade, and he’s way too old to be reading about princesses, castles, and centaurs. Who has time for that kind of nonsense in their lives when you have a job, an ex-wife, and bills to worry about? But then Abby came along, and ruined Ralph’s blissful ignorance. She introduced him to the book and movie series that changed his life. Her obsession leaked into their budding relationship. To make matter a hell of a lot worse, Ralph found himself magically transported to the fantasy world of Mariella. You read that last sentence right. Now Ralph is trapped inside the world of Excalibur Nights with no idea why and no way to get home. Does he go along with the story and try to woo Princess Abbie, the literary counterpart to the girlfriend he left behind in the real world? And what does he do about the love triangle between himself, the princess, and the centaur named Poe? He doesn’t know enough about the genre to untangle the mess of crisscrossing mythos, magic, and royal drama. Excalibur Nights by Daniel Aegan is an unapologetic fantasy that spins the fantasy genre on its head. Come on… You know they had it coming!


Hell and High Water by Charlotte E. English

Meet the baddest belles of London city. They were known as the fatales, once. Investigators and spies; killers and thieves; con artists and vigilantes — they fought fire with fire, did what had to be done, to make things right. Until the mission that broke them. Many decades later, the fatales have scattered to the winds. Fionn's the queen of London haute couture. Thetai's the star of the power metal scene. And Daix? Could be anything. Anywhere. It'll take a lot to bring them back together. When a model goes missing from a catwalk show, Fionn's frantic. The girl was a friend — and a fellow selkie. And she won't be the last to vanish. To catch the monster responsible, Fionn needs backup. It's time for the fatales to reunite, but can they get it together after eighty years apart? And will it be enough to face down an old enemy straight out of their murky, half-forgotten past? Three fabulous fae banter and brawl their way through a re-imagined, modern-day London — fighting crime, forging friendships and causing havoc. With style. Perfectly tailored for fans of urban fantasy and Charlie’s Angels!


The Lich of Thandorien by Zak Dragon

Old high school classmates and current drinking buddies, Phil and Don find themselves transported into a Crypts & Crusades role-playing adventure they had abandoned five years earlier. If that wasn't bad enough, it seems that some of the non-player characters, or Extra Dungeon Personalities (EDPs) as they now prefer to be called, have taken on a life of their own during the extended downtime and have veered away from the normal script. Fortunately for the daring duo, there is plenty of beer and they manage to get a little help along the way from an inquisitive but emotional ranger, a home-brewing, pub-owning dwarf and his ogre bartender, a grumpy old gardener and a host of other colorful characters. But will it be enough to defeat the crypt's antagonist, locate a powerful relic and get out alive?


Blazing Coffins by Jowsey Jones

BLAZING COFFINS: A FANTASY FARCE Monster Twins Theda and Wolfie chase around a bizarro America trying to save their parents from a lunatic sorcerer with pharaonic delusions. They face an army of crackpot enemies: a vampire haberdasher and his toothy cohort, bumbling claymen, and a beautiful, insatiable nightmare from the ancient Steppes. Even Santa gets a cameo, and he isn’t very nice at all. Thankfully, they have some monsters of their own to help: an old-school Frankencouple and a Green Man with his snippety eco-warrior wife. Plus a trio of cheerful dead people, the world’s worst paranormal investigator, and a lovelorn bogman in dire need of moisturiser. Jowsey Jones is the newest comedy fantasy voice in town and he brings you a tumbling SFF farce with Blazing Coffins, the first in TheMonster Twins series. Welcome to a fearless frolic that sacrifices anything for a laugh. Get your giggles here with Blazing Coffins.


Growth & Change Are Highly Overrated by Tom Starita

Growth and Change Are Highly Overrated is a twist on the classic coming-of-age story that takes a unique and comic look at what we all fear— having to grow up and abandon our dreams. For a charismatic man like Lucas James, life is a breeze because everyone else provides the wind. This adolescent front man for a mediocre cover band has been mooching off of his fiancée, Jackie, for years until she finally decides she's had enough. Faced with reality and having no income to support his carefree lifestyle, Lucas James abandons his principles and gets a job working in the stockroom at “That Store.” How does he cope with this newfound sense of responsibility? He casually steals... After a life spent bucking authority, how will Lucas James deal with his manager, 'Victor the Dictator'? How long can he tolerate Ralph, a starry-eyed coworker who desires nothing more than to be best friends? Will Lori, a twenty-something cashier, be like everyone else and fall for his charms? Will he ever find a place to live? And is “growing up” just another way of saying “selling out”?


The Universal Good Deal by Cleophas Foy

Alien white people from outer-space invade Earth armed with amazing deals and low, low prices. They're selling lava lamps, fanny packs, water beds, and more and everyone's buying it. Wouldn't you? It's from outer-space! Made by Aliens! And everything's on sale. It's a steal. But the Aliens only take cash. It's up to a marketing genius, a bosomy politician, and a genuinely nice guy to figure out what the Aliens want before we all become the product. Can humanity survive the most effective advertising campaign ever created or will the Aliens make a real killing? The Universal Good Deal is a satire about colonialism that explores all the horrible ways people fail to understand those who are different from them.


The Fantastically Underwhelming Epic by Kian N. Ardalan

George is a legendary hero...wait, no. George is an incredibly powerful sorcerer...also no? Okay, fine. George is an unremarkable human bard who made a promise a long time ago. A promise that set him on a path to find the remains of Simantiar, the greatest wizard who ever lived. Though all that was left were bones, Simantiar was still very much alive and quite...underwhelming. This is their story: The Fantastically Underwhelming Epic of a dead wizard and an average bard.


Little Drummer Boy: A Darkly Humorous Paranormal Holiday Short (Hemlock Connal Book 2) by Joel Spriggs

A darkly humorous paranormal Christmas short! Boston’s strangest private investigator, Hemlock Connal, is back! Along with her longest surviving intern, Morgan Burns. When a demonic drummer boy walks down their road leading a small team of zombies, the detective duo take a much needed break from a boring financial case. As they follow the horned drummer from Boston to the middle of nowhere, they find the zombie squad has more secrets than just marching through the night. Hemlock and Morgan get led through a dark journey of black market organ theft, drug sorting undead, all leading up to meeting the big man himself. Confronted with the ultimate arbiter of the holiday season, will Hemlock and Morgan survive the test of naughty or nice? Find out, in Little Drummer Boy!


Over a God's Dead Body: A Supernatural Comedy (Wrong Gods Book 1) by Joel Spriggs

"It's an offbeat comedy in the vein of American Gods" In the same style of humor as Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett, you'll find the Norse gods and characters hilarious. If you are looking for a humorous adult version of the Magnus Chase series, you'll be laughing at how Esmy and Jake deal with Loki. Esmy is frustrated by a lack of pockets on women's pants. Living with her librarian brother Jake in a small Indiana town and working at a private college, Esmy feels like she is is stuck in a rut. Meeting Loki ignites their lives like a powder-keg. This simple, seemingly innocuous encounter leads Esmy and Jake to discover the campus's mysterious depths, involving sasquatches, vampires, and much more with the supernatural, magical and paranormal. In a crudely comedic high-stakes game of maneuvering, Loki's freedom and Esmy's survival come down to a fight over a God's dead body. Will Esmy become a reluctant hero? Is Jake a lucky novice necromancer? Will Loki actually become a half-decent mentor? If you like insane action, hilarious dialogue, and gods behaving badly, then you'll love the first installment in Joel Spriggs's series of magical realism and whimsical mythology.


Untitled Spy Story: A Novel by Aaron C Cross

Sometimes you're in the right place at the right time. Sometimes someone ends up getting shot and you're on the run with your brother, the girl you want to sleep with, the girl your brother wants to sleep with, and the guy that slept with your girlfriend. Sometimes that ends up with a whole lot of mescal being consumed and hallucinating dance sequences. Sometimes that ends up with the Secretary of State wanting you dead. For Will Texas, sometime is now.


Robocopter Ski Patrol by Aaron C Cross

The year is...some year. Let's say the present. Yellow cake uranium sits, waiting to be sold, in a foreign country. The leader hides himself away, fearing assassination - as he should, because that's how the country works. It's kind of a stupid country.And well he should worry, for skulking his way around Europe is an ambitious Baron just looking for the right opportunity to seize the throne and all the powers and chances that come with it. If only his pets would stop exploding...Across the ocean, Adam Bitchenstein attempts to win over Miss Girl from Ipanema for the nth time. However, a phone call from out of the blue will change everything in their lives forever. It's always a phone call, right?Join Adam, Miss Girl from Ipanema, and a cast of idiots and perverts as they seek to stop the balance of world power from changing before it's too late.Also, there's a Robocopter. Not sure if you picked that up but...it's kind of important.


Alice's Adventures under Water by Lenny de Rooy

If you enjoyed Lewis Carroll’s books “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” and “Through the Looking-Glass and what Alice found there”, this is the book for you! Finally, there is a third story in the ‘Alice’ series – written in Carroll’s familiar style, but packed with a great number of completely new puns, poems, and satire! This time, Alice explores an under-water world, in which she meets new characters who again make her wonder about their strange logic and behaviour. The story can be enjoyed by everyone, even those who have never read Carroll’s tales. However, the more familiar you are with them, the more references you will recognise in this exceptionally clever story…


Bit Flip by Mike Trigg

Fortysomething tech executive Sam Hughes came to Silicon Valley to "make the world a better place." He's just not sure he's doing that anymore--and when an onstage meltdown sends him into a professional tailspin, he suddenly sees the culture of the Bay Area's tech bubble in a new, far more cynical light. Just as he's wondering if his start-up career and marriage might both be over, an inadvertent discovery pulls Sam back into his former company, where he begins to unravel the insidious schemes of the founder and venture investors that led to his ouster. Driven by his desire for redemption, he discovers a conspiracy of fraud, blackmail, and manipulation that leads to tragic outcomes--threatening to destroy not only the company but Sam's moral compass as well. Entangled in a web of complicity, how far will he go to achieve his dreams of entrepreneurial success and personal wealth? Bit Flip is a corporate thriller that delivers an authentic insider's view of the corrupting influences of greed, entitlement, and vanity in technology start-ups.


I Am Not Brad Pitt and Other Stories by Ross Dreiblatt

I AM NOT BRAD PITT is the first of three riotously absurd tales in Ross Dreiblatt’s debut short-story collection sending up America’s sometimes-fatal celebrity obsessions. “I Am Not Brad Pitt” opens in a prison cell in which Mr. Pitt’s clone-like doppelganger, Tobey Crawford, remorsefully recounts the sequence of unlikely events that resulted in his wrongful conviction for murder. The second story, “Please Allow Me To Introduce Myself,” considers the possibility that Keith Richards (along with, for good measure, Dolly Parton) is, indeed, a vampire. Nobel-Prize laureate Bob Dylan, the story’s vampire-killer, is equipped with more than just a harmonica and tambourine. The final work in the collection, “Keeping Compliant With The Kardashians,” examines whether Kardashian family members are, in fact, aliens from another galaxy and what precisely is their interest on Earth. Each of the stories are told with engaging humor, and each pokes fun more at American culture than they do, generally, of the celebrities themselves.


The Ticket by Heather Grace Stewart

Now an optioned book! Fasten your seat belts for a journey filled with humor and adventure. Bachelor & newscaster Pete McCarney buys two plane tickets for a trip around the world with his girlfriend, but they split up shortly before the trip, and he can't get a refund. In a gutsy last minute move, Pete goes on social media asking for women with his girlfriend's exact name to apply to join him on the trip. Twenty-one women apply, and the ensuing interview process is both awkward and hilarious. When he finally chooses a feisty, headstrong, recently-divorced lawyer, he has no idea what to expect from their world wide adventures - and neither does Allie James. She has pretty much sworn off men since her divorce. Will either of them get the vacation they were so desperately hoping for?


If I Lie in a Combat Zone by Will Tinkham

Ordered to inspect a suspected Viet Cong tunnel in November of 1968, Private Walt Whitman von Funck crawls inside and falls in love. And rips a hole in his foot. IF I LIE IN A COMBAT ZONE finds Zow spending eight months nursing him back to health, while her brother and grandfather conduct midnight raids and accumulate prisoners, including a general. During his convalescence, Walt and Zow wed; theirs is a love story that defies race, religion and military red tape. Upon his return to Chu Lai Air Base with his pregnant wife and six prisoners, Stars and Stripes declares Walt a hero. Awards follow. And plans for a Medal of Honor ceremony with President Nixon. Till a U.S. Army doctor declares the foot wound to be self-inflicted. Hailed, then jailed—repeatedly—Walt becomes a favorite of the anti-war crowd and a thorn in Nixon's side. Walt accepts offers to speak on college campuses. Protests involving gunfire and bombings become routine. It's almost as if they are targeting him.


The FATOFF Conspiracy by Olga Werby

Transdimensional Industries gave the world a technical solution to the obesity epidemic—eat more than you want, and store all that you want in their fat storage tanks conveniently located outside of our set of dimensions. Complete gluttony without sacrificing beauty or health...for a price. You can be rich and buy a thin body. You can be poor and lucky enough to get government assistance with your personal fat storage—Federal Assistance with Transdimensional Offloading of Fat and Flab. Or you can win the tits lottery—a lifetime of free blubber storage in the Transdimensional Industries' tanks where all the humanity’s fat is stored. Thin people live well, have high paying jobs, and wield all of the social and political power and prestige while consuming unlimited quantities of food as mandated by the government. Fat people? They don't do so well. Cindy Rella is a low-level bureaucrat at the Civil Office of Fat Excision. And while her job is to tell people "no" when they apply for government assistance, Cindy has been secretly saving for a set of gray-market papers that would guarantee her a zero dress size and a healthy lifespan of over 30 years. Because being fat is not only a life-time of being a second-class citizen in a society that worships physical beauty, it is also a death sentence. Cindy's plan doesn't work spectacularly and her life spins out of control into a dangerous world of revolutionary fat freedom fighters. Sucking off fat into another dimension is not the only way to get thin. Cindy Rella is a coming of age story in the world that is a cross between dystopian Brazil and Fast Food Nation with a sprinkling of sci fi.


The Cary Grant Sanatorium and Playhouse by Will Tinkham

THE CARY GRANT SANATORIUM AND PLAYHOUSE is a screwball drama involving disgraced Hollywood starlet, Donna Darling, and two-time German Army deserter, Séamus von Funck. They meet in 1942 at an idyllic Ohio home for unwed mothers—or a Nazi abortion slaughterhouse, depending on whom you talk to. Their love endures despite the efforts of a power-hungry congressman, an overzealous religious tabloid, and Donna's Hollywood past—yes, including Cary Grant. They prevail despite Séamus being a suspected Nazi spy and America's first prisoner of the second World War—and also the first to escape. Donna returns to her chosen profession, nursing, and Séamus completes his medical training under an alias while still on the lam. Despite their early struggles, the couple raises three fine children: Frederick Douglass von Funck, Clara Barton von Funck and Walt Whitman von Funck. The family thrives until their bi-racial, eldest child runs smack into the civil rights turmoil of the 1960s.


The Little Punk Princess: A Fairy Tale by Sarah Karasek

A dystopian punk rock fairy tale. Princess is the heiress to the Presidency of America, but she has a dark secret - a deep love of metal, punk, and ska - all illegal contraband under the new ultra-conservative government. When her secret stash of music is discovered, she is faced with the harsh decision of fleeing her country or giving up her only pleasure forever. Bizarro fiction featuring a personal trainer magi, disco bandits, and Mad Max inspired green energy vehicles.


Jank by Fabrina Glitchlace

We all seek The Way. To maximize Expected Value. To burn as brightly and for as long as odds allow. To Go Infinite. Join M'Ycell MacGyver for Episode 389 of The Ωmega Phi Podcast. You have been summoned.


Shitlord In the Anus of Madness by Fabrina Glitchlace

Like all great artists do, Shia tried to become his art. He tried to be a force for good in the world. He tried to change minds. He tried his best to elevate consciousness; to help people realize their potential for self actualization. He tried to enable them to become like him: Master of their own destiny. To not let their dreams be dreams. But instead, he ended up exhausting his social capital, leaving sloppy personal messes in his wake which could not be cleaned. He became unemployable. Toxic. He was pushed out by those who had once accepted him. He was dumped. Now he hungers for the success that he once tasted.


The Only Wizard in Town by Heide Goody and Iain Grant

A city under siege by a barbarian horde… A band of ruthless mercenaries… A trap-filled dungeon… A situation like this calls for the best wizard in town. What they’ve got is the ONLY wizard in town: Newport Pagnell, oral hygiene specialist. More used to soothing fevered gums and extracting rotten teeth, this dental spellcaster has to perform an operation like never before: extracting a fabled treasure from the jaws of certain doom. This time, he might have bitten off more than he can chew…


Fool's Proof by Eva Sandor

A jobless jester and a misguided magpie venture into a land where technology is booming— but trouble is brewing. Dame Elsebet de Whellen has ruled her mildly magical, high-tech country for 50 prosperous years. Now it's facing a crisis three generations in the making, and the bold steps she's taken to save it have gone disastrously off the rails. She needs a hero who can calm her mind, cast a spell, and find a missing sorcerer. Instead she gets Malfred Murd, former Royal Fool, booted from his job and now scrounging a living around the corners of the Kingdom. What starts as Fred's quick attempt to con Dame Elsebet escalates until he—and his self-appointed magpie advisor Corvinalias— are hopelessly entangled in a desperate mission that might cost a Fool his life and a people their future.


This Quest is Bullshit! by JP Valentine

The Questing Stones have come to Nowherested, and Evelia Greene is finally ready to receive her life's quest. Perhaps she'll be a great warrior, or a wealthy merchant, or a brilliant mage. Perhaps her quest is simply to live a quiet life, constantly honing a craft to the heights of perfection. Or perhaps the Questing Stones will grant her the Legendary mission of popping over to the next village to pick up a loaf of bread. Wouldn’t that be ridiculous? Eve can’t even begin to guess how or why she’s come by such an absurd life goal, nor how a level 1 Messenger Girl is supposed to complete anything labeled as Legendary, but at least she can be sure of one thing. No matter how many wolves or goblins attack, no matter how many speeding tickets she racks up, no matter how many bakeries spontaneously combust as she steps into town, one way or another, Eve is going to get that gods-damned bread. There just might be a few Side Quests along the way. |This book contains game elements, good jokes, bad jokes, worse jokes, and language strong enough to lift weights. Please enjoy.|


A Cat's Guide to Bonding with Dragons by Chris Behrsin

The unlikely duo who might just save the world Ben must be the hungriest cat ever… One moment, he was enjoying a breakfast of salmon trimmings in his home in South Wales. The next, he was teleported across time and space onto the cold stone floor of an evil warlock. Locked in the warlock’s tower through day and night, Ben may have to serve him for a while. He'll hate this, especially having to hunt those infernal demon rats when the warlock doesn’t feed him well at all. Meanwhile, in a distant academy, a dragon is bored out of her mind. Unable to wear a saddle, no human dares mount her. Is there anyone in this land who can ride her into battle against the forces of the evil warlocks? Somehow, she doubts she’ll ever find a suitable bond. Unless there is another creature with enough dexterity to fulfil that role. One, perhaps, who is currently sprinting right out of a warlock’s front door…


The Conjuring of Zoth Averex by K.R.R. Lockhaven

Kept hidden by the United States government for decades, the Site is a place where magic is real. But that doesn't mean that everything happening there is sparkly. Soul-sucking policies and layers of stifling bureaucracy threaten to take all the fun out of magic. Harris, a newbie Conjurer, starts his first day of work at the Site bursting with excitement: he's been brought on for an extremely big project happening the very next day. In a triumph over its habitual inefficiency, the Site manages to carry out its plan and conjure an actual dragon to be used by the military. The dragon (Zoth-Avarex, the self-proclaimed greatest dragon in the multiverse) immediately eats the person next to him, snatches a "princess" from the ranks of the Conjuring Department, and flies away to the Space Needle. There he manipulates the media, outwits the Site's bumbling management, demands sixty-three billion dollars' worth of treasure (because Smaug was said to have had sixty-two billion in his hoard), threatens to destroy the city--and installs a couple of food trucks. While this book skewers the same fantasy genre it gleefully inhabits, it also pokes fun at corporate culture, today's obsession with wealth and celebrity, and our denial that life is anything more than meets the eye. Hapless Harris, believing in magic all along, learns to apply what he's picked up between the pages of fantasy literature.


War God Rising by Tim Marquitz

Monty Python meets Gladiator! Sand is destined for greatness. Or so a pair of two-bit criminals would have him believe. After rescuing him from certain doom, Bess and Kaede embark on a scheme to game the War God Tournament. It’d be easier if Sand wasn’t an alcohol-soaked twit with a disturbing interest in mutton. Pitted against monsters, magic swords, and murderers galore, they soon realize winning the tourney is the least of their worries.


Who Built The Humans? by Phillip Carter

Who Built The Humans? is a fragmented novel, a multiverse of 47 stories that combine into 11 interconnected universes. These universes range from soaring science fiction to searing satire, and pose increasingly strange answers to that ancient question, Who Built The Humans? Concepts and theories explored thoughtfully in one story will be relentlessly parodied in the next, and characters and objects will hop between universes to knit the multiverse together in unexpected ways. In this way WBTH is both a short story collection and a novel, and can be read in almost any order. No two stories from the same reality touch across the pages, meaning WBTH can be read front to back as a novel, or universe by universe if you become sucked into one particular reality. If this happens, helpful signs will lead you across time and space into the next story in that universe. This concept is pushed to its limits with the On-Series universe, a darkly satirical universe of poetic short stories that requires reader participation to decide the ridiculous fate of humanity. Will we be destroyed by shame machines, or remembered in the nightmares of some future cyborg? Within the book you will discover shapeshifting televangelists, talking crystals who hate anyone called Susan, the physical manifestation of your inner self, time travel (again), artificial afterlives, intelligent planets, bottleneck spacetimes, collapsing universes, poets that turn into black holes, black holes that turn into poets, shame machines that use those black holes for fuel, time travel, reincarnation cults, parallel universes, deceptive aliens, new Earths, old Earths, sarcastic living metaphors, robots who struggle to learn jokes, intersecting realities and the occasional probing. It's a ridiculous multiverse. You should visit it. (and visit Goodreads for the reviews)


Each Little Universe by Chris Durston

If Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett had written an earnestly nerdy story in a setting running on the ridiculous logic of Scott Pilgrim, it might have come out something like this. For two oddball inventors, taking care of an unexpected new arrival - a girl from the stars - is hard enough. Dealing with the things that want her back may turn out to be harder. A story about love in all its forms (but not a love story), Each Little Universe wonders with wit and insight about what it means to be human in a vast, peculiar cosmos. A celebration of all that is wonderful and strange about people, each member of its cast of twenty-first century weirdos is both larger than life and peculiarly familiar. Fans of Neil Gaiman (Neverwhere, American Gods), Bryan Lee O'Malley (Scott Pilgrim, Seconds), and Haruki Murakami (The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, Killing Commendatore) will love this story, set in a world very much like our own but a little more strange, and the unusual take it offers on life, the human experience, and cats.


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