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Wire City Kills: Neon Vector by Drew Rhys One dead billionaire. Two mismatched detectives. A secret so revolutionary it will change the world. So valuable ⊠itâs worth KILLING for. When a tech tycoon meets a bizarre end in Silicon Valley's exclusive high-rise Tangle district on the eve of his company's takeover by a fierce rival, the eyes of the world's cyberati are drawn. Cue the SVPD's unorthodox new homicide team: a hot shot British rookie in way over his head and a snarky American cop at the end of her rope. They must unravel a mystery which goes far beyond murder into the dark heart of a dazzling high-tech metropolis. They must infiltrate a world of exotic tech, sinister corporations, and friendly AIs with absolutely no hidden agendas⊠They must answer the question ⊠WHAT IS NEON VECTOR? Uncover the secrets of Wire City in this electrifying detective thriller packed with insane twists, cinematic action, and razor-sharp humor. This standalone book requires no further reading to enjoy. |
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Havoc & Happiness by Wren Handman Michaela Peters didnât let dying get her down. After all, it was only for a few minutes, and the hospital paid her a huge settlement. Now sheâs an emancipated minor with nine million dollars in the bank and her entire future ahead of her. Life could be a heck of a lot worse! Michaela moves to Montana, determined to enjoy the queer high-school drama that life is serving up. Instead, she finds herself caught in the crosshairs of a fight between horrible monsters that shift with a person's imagination, and the gorgeous trigger-happy siblings who hunt them. The problem? She seems to be able to destroy the monsters with a thought, but the hunters haven't decided which side she's on. |
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If it feels good to be bad, then these ladies are in ecstasy! Meet Lane Bryantt, shameless debutante and mother to a pair of lusty blonde alt-right social media influencers. Follow them to contemporary left-coast Los Angeles as they become trapped on a dystopian reality television show of their own making. Will they escape the clutches of their evil producer, or will they be doomed to evolve into a life forever lived on the screen? Follow Lane and her familyâs misadventures in this satiric, humorous take on social media and reality television until they finally find that rarest of commodities in modern-day societyâprivacy! Praise for Canceled: "...for fans of satire, flawed characters, anti-heroes, and witnessing unlikeable characters become the victims of their own ambitions.." - Independent Book Review "...scores big laughs and some insights about privacy and consent.." - BookLife Canceled offers a humorous and cathartic happy ending to life in the age of social media and reality television. |
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The Threads That Weave by Sienna Eggler Tormented by memories of past lives and a general distaste for structure, Sloane dropped out of a prestigious magic college to find themself. During their travels, they came across a curious little creature: a chatty spider that fit snugly in their hands. Unbeknownst to Sloane, this wasnât a harmless garden or cellar spider. The spider had a craving that mere flies couldnât quench. It demanded blood and flesh, and when mice failed to suffice, moved on to bigger and dangerous prey. Sloane appeased it as best they could, but as the spider rapidly shot up in size, turned their focus from butcher shops to farms. Together, they concocted a plan to âsolveâ a manifested loss of cattle. The spider got a steady supply of food, and Sloane got street cred as a âmonster slayerâ. âWhat could possibly go wrong?â â Famous last words of any irresponsible pet owner. So now Sloane has a very real infestation to contend with, along with suspicious rangers and wannabe hunters edging in on their turf. ââŠIâm gonna need a bigger boot.â |
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Third Loch From the Sun by Rex Burke Jake has left it late, and the only summer job he can find is on the remote Scottish island of Elsay. Still, that sounds fine â the work isnât too hard, the payâs all right, and the scenery is great. But he soon has second thoughts about staying. His boss, Fraser, is clearly a bit of a rogue, while Fraserâs cute but snippy daughter, Alva, takes against him from the start. And the oddball characters in the local pub arenât exactly welcoming. Then Jake stumbles on an extraordinary secret that changes everything thatâs known about the universe. A secret he can scarcely believe. A secret that Alva and the island recluse, Ruan Strang, have sworn to protect at all costs. As the mystery deepens, the questions only mount â and none of the answers make any sense. Plus, Jakeâs falling for Alva and she still hasnât so much as smiled at him. One thingâs for certain â heâs not going anywhere until the full, fantastic truth is revealed. From the author of The Wrong Stop comes a SciFi fantasy adventure set on a dreamy Scottish isle. Stuffed with larger-than-life characters, itâs perfect for fans of island mysteries, with crackling dialogue and a will-they-wonât-they romantic edge. |
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For Your Benefit by Patrick Canning Teddy Lint is the kindest private investigator on the planet, committed to seeing the best in everyone he meets. The detective agency he runs with his brother Ralph out of a Los Angeles strip mall has seen a strange case or two before, but never anything like this. A man claiming to work for the CIA hires the Lints to find a shipping container of radioactive Agent Orange that vanished over fifty years ago. He insists someone is planning on using an army of drones to drench L.A. with the deadly chemicals before the week is out. The Lint Brothers enter a maze of bizarre suspects, from nefarious ad executives, to anarchistic Boy Scouts, to a toga-clad militia fighting for exclusive rule by women. The propaganda-obsessed society that seems to be running the world is probably worth looking into as well. The power of empathy collides with the dangers of disinformation as Teddy fights to save the people he loves. Our beloved detective doesn't give up easily, but any Angelenos with an aversion to death by herbicide might want to dust off that umbrella, just in case⊠|
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Xiapo Yellip Zump (book 1: Let the Adventure Begin!) by Yehuda Shapira Sure, the prophecy sounds fake. And it's a total cliche. But Xiapo lacks backbone, and is bullied into taking the responsibility to save the planet. Aided by his glowing dog and magical staff that doesn't do anything, Xiapo must face thugs, demons, mysterious Things, lack of toilet paper and â worst of all â boredom, on his epic mission to save Earth before it is destroyed by those bumbling humans. "This book is a work of art!" - Author's mother "I would suggest this book to people who donât mind spelling mistakes" - Christy E, Amazon customer |
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Citrus Bravo by Christopher George Quick A tongue-in-cheek space adventure that plays to the lighter side of the genre. Take a break from hard-core Sci-Fi with Citrus Bravo! Embark on a cosmic odyssey with Arthur Bartlebee, a humble plumber aboard an aging space station named Citrus Bravo. Although Arthur would love more than anything to live out his simple days managing the pipes and drains of the station, he is quickly ripped away by a whirlwind of absurd events that place him smack dab in the center of an otherwordly conspiracy. Flanked by odd aliens and carefree cyborgs, Arthur is bewildered to find humanity's destiny lies in his less-than-capable hands. |
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Zoo by A.C. Cross Welcome to the Zoo! Inside, you won't find tigers or lions but Anxieties galore. You'll crawl through the Depression Caves and gallivant through the Regret Gardens. You'll see wondrous creatures that will tug at the very heart of you. And at the very end, amidst it all, we offer you one more surprise. Join us for a tour today! |
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Bruce at Fifty by Everett T. Ruth Bruce Lewis is a badass. He eats Cheerios without the milk. He stirs his coffee with Slim Jims. Heck â he wears Tuesdayâs pajamas on Monday! Total badass, right? Since turning fifty, however, Father Time is showing Bruce whoâs Boss. Will Bruce prevail with his pride intact, or will his leather pants make way for dad jeans with built-in creases? Join Bruce as he discovers what Fifty ultimately means. |
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The Trouble with Prophecies by Jake Joy The heroes of old are gone and the world of Feydern has fallen into darkness. With the prophesised Chosen One missing, Feydernâs only hope lies with Derrick, the Last Wizard, but he doesnât want to help. In his opinion, tracking down the missing Chosen One is an idiotic idea that will get them all killed. But prophecies must come true and despite his best efforts, heâs dragged along on the quest. Bandits, goblins, and warring grannies stand in the way of his freedom, but he finds his greatest obstacle is destiny itself. Thatâs the trouble with prophecies... They donât really give you a choice. |
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Kill All The Dogs by Rick Berry Are we defined by the things that happen to us, or the things we make happen to others? Ten-year-old Nathan Hyde is playing in a tree house, when he witnesses a vicious attack on his best friendâs younger sisters. Life is never the same again. Many years later, Nathan finds himself in the lower reaches of a government department, when an opportunity to confront his demons and enact revenge presents itself. A mystery illness is taking hold in the population, at the very moment a scheming, attention-seeking politician becomes Nathanâs new boss. It canât happen, can it? In the farcical world of politics, anything is possible. Nathan Hyde is going to kill all the dogs. Part psychological drama, part political satire, Kill All The Dogs is the story of how of a personal trauma becomes twisted into a national tragedy. |
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The Weird & Unexpected World of Ronald Taylor by Jack T Canis Recently retired, Ronald Taylor worried about his future, stuck in his bungalow w his wife of 40yrs. Then he encounters a Brownie relieving itself in his hedge. And he was worried he was going to be bored! |
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They Ate The Waitress? by D.N. Schmidt A delightfully funny murder mystery full of wit, wordplay, and cannibalism. Nick Wergild is a private detective armed only with his wits and an atomic-powered electroshock gun. One evening, while under the influence of powerful hallucinogens, he is hired to investigate a murder at a local restaurant called âHand to Mouthâ. It seems the customers ate one of the staff. And she didnât even volunteer for the job.Nick has to find a way to solve the case without a body or a crime scene. Along the way, he also has to survive hit men, bomb-throwing security guards, bad puns, and a homicidal politician. Will he live long enough to solve the case? Can you really trust the owner of a restaurant for cannibals? What does human flesh really taste like? And why does furniture keep falling from the sky? If you love humor, mysteries, and anything weird, you don't want to miss this! |
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Hell Hath No Fury by David Dixon A terrifying figure known as The Pale Man has emerged from Carla's past to offer Snake and the boss a sadistic choice: find Carla and bring her to him or lose the Black Sun 490 forever. Snake and the boss have had their squabbles before, but this time they're playing for keeps. The boss can't bear to lose the ship, and Snake won't turn Carla over to The Pale Man, no matter the cost. When a bar fight between the two ends with pistols and blades drawn, they part ways, and it's a race to see who can get to Carla first. But they aren't the only ones involved. On the boss's side, a UNF covert ops team with a penchant for pulling triggers first and asking questions later, and in Snake's corner, a religious cult that holds the clues he needs to reach Carla. Both sides are racing to find her and it will come down to who is willing to shoot first. Snake and the boss may have quick trigger fingers, but will they be able to pull them when they're staring down the sights at each other? In the end, it's Carla's shocking secret that will set them all on course for a violent conclusion that may not leave anybody standing in... Hell Hath No Fury. |
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Six-Gun Shuffle by David Dixon Snake and the boss have made a lot of enemies, but up until their trip to Yaeger, theyâve never had any beef with Michael Ver, the galaxyâs most bankable popstarâmainly because they hadnât met him before. After the boss teaches Ver a lesson about the difference between looking tough and being tough, he finds himself a minor viral video star and catches the eye of a gorgeous redhead named Kell. Things are looking up. That is, until Kell goes missing and the boss goes after her. After a shootout with Verâs crew, things go from bad to worseânobody can find Ver, and Snake and the boss are the prime suspects in his disappearance. The next thing they know theyâve got a bounty on their heads and hardly a friend in sight. Carla and Kell are the only people they can count on, but has Kell been playing a different game all along? Itâs a mixed-up tale of bounty hunters, crooked cops, popstars and⊠insurance agents?... in Six-Gun Shuffle. |
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Dojakai: The BrixCity A.C.T - Cloutless by Cordell Charles In a world where competition is everything, and notoriety, is considered currency. Dojakai tells the story of Auraluke, a 13 year old boy, raised just outside of societyâs logic. Born in seclusion with only his fatherâs guidance; Auraluke has been training his entire life, without the treasures of fame and glory. But this world is different. The world was also once plagued by beasts, born from the stars; known as Dojakai. Hip to the world, but forbidden from participating in societyâs politics, Auraluke longs to find his place between mind, body and his own sense of will. Who is his father? Why has he been training him in seclusion? ..What the heck is Clout? Adventure awaits, in this introduction to the series. Dojakai: The BrixCity Sagas⊠Book 1 |
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"Welcome to the Moon!" Neal Gordon and his partners, former actress Lucy Westenra and intelligent canine Barksley, are in hot water with Cyberlife after a bust goes disastrously wrong. Put on what is likely to be permanent suspension, they receive a job offer to work for EarthGov directly. Unfortunately, EarthGov is hiring them because they know a catastrophic plague is about to be unleashed throughout the Moon's neighborhood. Neal finds himself trying to unravel a conspiracy involving poisoned narcotics, a sham church founded by humans from another planet, and a mysterious woman from his past that he was sure had died. Enjoy this latest satirical entry in the Moon Cops series that is already a best-selling new entry in the Futurepunk universe (Agent G, Cyber Dragons, Space Academy) by C. T. Phipps! |
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Moon Cops on the Moon by C.T. Phipps "Welcome to the moon!" Neal Gordon screwed up his assignment on Mars and they reassigned him to Antarctica. Now he's being reassigned some place even worse: Luna City. A crime ridden hellhole with a super-rich ruling class, he almost immediately finds himself targeted by bounty hunters and cyborg terrorists. Thankfully, Neal has an unusual set of partners in robot dog, Barksley, and the snarky but badass Lucy Westenra. Yes, make all the vampire jokes you want. It's tough being a corporate cop on humanity's foremost colony and before this adventure is over, he's going to have to deal with deranged influencers, mysterious female secret agents, and a 1970s themed flying car called the Purple Rain. Can he survive to get reassigned? Who knows. MOON COPS ON THE MOON is set in the Futurepunk setting of Agent G, the Cyber Dragons Trilogy, and Space Academy novels but functions as a standalone series. It is a humorous action-filled romp that fans of The Expanse, Robocop, Demolition Man, and Blade Runner will enjoy. |
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#Rehashed: A short story collection, contains twenty short stories from the deviant mind of Jack T. Canis. They range from the humorous to the bizarre, dark to enlightening. Fourteen rehashed stories have been previously published in journals, magazines and anthologies from the USA, UK & France and collected together into a single volume. There are also six new tales for your delectation: The Doldrums of Bidmouth Bay; Oliver's Island; The Waiting Room; Bolivia; Chutzpah & Fly Spray. |
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Cultural Practices of the Heartland by Andy C.F. Crawford Deep within the suburban jungle of Cincinnati, a monster has emerged, bursting out of the Rumpke Sanitary Landfill. Taking its name from its birthplace, Rumpke is a thousand feet tall, has revolting personal habits, and might be vaguely familiar to readers, considering his orange-tinged hair and proportionally tiny hands. What do Americans do when such a creature appears, lumbers around at random, and occasionally defiles a local landmark? For millions, the choice is obvious â worship it.New York journalist Fred Millard is assigned to report on the exploits of the monster, his bizarre fandom, and the ludicrous internet conspiracy theories that have caught fire since his appearance. Fred quickly learns that the absurdity of Rumpkeâs fandom leads to more serious consequences than mere internet hysteria â when serious illness starts to spread in those closest to the monster, its biggest fans refuse to follow the governmentâs guidance of masking and social distancing, worsening the outbreak. And most appalling of all, one conspiracy theory inspires a violent mob to assemble in Washington, DC and assault a federal building, with deadly results.A funhouse-mirror reflection of modern American politics, CULTURAL PRACTICES OF THE HEARTLAND is a sci-fi tinged political satire novel. It was written for all of us who are exhausted, baffled, and even terrified by the insanity of American politics in recent times. |
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The Odyssey of Fletcher by Erik Dargitz After a global virus seemingly wipes out the entire male population, a skinny, socially awkward, self-conscious video game junkie is somehow still kicking. And he's wildly unprepared for this new world. Out there waiting for him are physicians who want to study him, a cult of spiritual extremists who want to deify him and brutal gangs with far more nefarious intentions. Throughout his journey, Fletcher does his best to act like a real man, being that he's the only one around. Unfortunately, this only leads to more problems ... for him and humanity. |
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Babies with Rabies: An ABC Survival Guide by L. A. Cunningham R is for rabies. Of COURSE itâs for rabies! Your most imminent threat is BABIES WITH RABIES! Itâs a post-apocalyptic world, and hordes of feral, teething babies are foaming at the mouth and roaming the streets looking for their next victim. You completed your training montage, you know how to sew fingers back on, you studied their weaknesses, and now thereâs only one thing left to do: survive! **BABIES WITH RABIES is the perfect gift for parentsâŠor people who hate babies!** |
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TREBLE: THE RHYTHM WITHIN by Dre "DaBrute" Daniels A mysterious virus has taken Washington D.C by storm! The city is in a panic and has gone crazy. A high school student named Zamir Green has been exposed to the virus and his body begins to mutate. It seems like music is triggering something deep down within him! What in the world is going on!? This series is an action drama/musical. Throughout the series our main character will discover that he has gained the ability to gain a different super power based on the genre he listens to. The powers are based on the emotional/stereotypical response that people in our world have toward particular genres of music. A mysterious virus has taken Washington D.C by storm! The city is in a panic and has gone crazy. A high school student named Zamir Green has been exposed to the virus and his body begins to mutate. It seems like music is triggering something deep down within him! What in the world is going on!? This series is an action drama/musical. Throughout the series our main character will discover that he has gained the ability to gain a different super power based on the genre he listens to. The powers are based on the emotional/stereotypical response that people in our world have toward particular genres of music. |
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Spaceman Steve and the Quest for the Awesome Artifact by Joel N. Cooper Spaceman Steve is pretty sure he's in the wrong story. Steve knows he is a character in a fictional book, but he believes he should be in space killing aliens instead of fighting fire-breathing dragons, crossing enchanted rivers, and being thrown into dungeons. He finds himself in a medieval fantasy world, despite his high-tech space suit. Steve discovers the backpack he's wearing is magical, as he often pulls out objects that may or may not be helpful. The queen of Chradaria believes he is a wizard, so she brings him on her quest to find an artifact of great importance that could save her kingdom. Zab, a neighboring king who happens to be immortal, has a long history of doing whatever it takes to expand his borders. He sends his army into Chradaria, and the queen believes he will soon attack the capital city in an attempt to conquer her kingdom. As she fears for the safety of her people, the queen and Steve set off on a quest to steal the golden amulet that provides Zab with his immortality. Steve seeks to help the queen on her quest, while also mocking the author for his lazy writing. |
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The Book and the Blade by A.B. Finlayson A perfect story for fans of Gaiman and Pratchettâs GOOD OMENS, SHAUN OF THE DEAD and THE WORLDâS END. Arthur Crazy is drunk and seeing ghosts. This is not a metaphor. The dead are walking and talking, and it doesn't matter that Arthur doesn't believe in them. They believe in him. Too drunk to recall how he stumbled upon his nascent power, Arthur is burdened with newfound heâs the only one who can hear the unfinished business of every dead guy in York, and heâs the only one who can help. As forgotten legends and lost demons stir all over the cobbled streets and snickelways, Arthur finds himself at the centre of an unfolding mysteryâa light in the desert, a fart at a funeralâand he is about to discover that an unfortunate surname isn't the only thing that makes him stand out. Arthur just wants to sober up, have a kebab, and go home, but his conscience is knocking loud and clear, demanding he open the damn door. He may not be the hero the dead need, but heâs the one theyâre stuck with. Besides, one of those ghosts seems kind of cute. |
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Misadventurous Episode One by Shawn Drew Adventuring looks so easy on paper, but in the real world, well⊠MISADVENTUROUS is a series of fantasy-comedy novellas where adventuring is big business and accidentally burning down towns is just another day on the job. Beden spent his entire childhood dreaming about becoming an adventurer, just like his hero, Proper John Gallant. When he left home and crossed paths with a mysterious warrior and a sometimes-competent wizard, he was sure he was on the right path. But adventuring is a tough business, and skeletons come in hordes, so now heâs more unsure than ever about his future. Jyden set out on her own, adventuring to prove that she wasnât just a product of her upbringing. The group she found was with a pair of strange siblings and a misplaced, somewhat forgettable pirate, but she figured her natural skills would pull them through. But the adventuring world is a harsh one, and a few mistakes have her questioning her choices. Together, these two mismatched groups have to learn that to make a group more than the sum of its parts, it takes more than just a small failure in math. And unbeknownst to them all, forces are in play that will drag them, sometimes kicking and screaming, into the fate of the world itself. |
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Not Your Mountain by Greg Yates / AJ Alexanders He wanted to be an adventurer, but adventure could cost him his home. Matty has spent his whole life working in the mines, it's all he's ever known to do: sing to the stone, extract its riches, and learn its properties. But after an unexpected visit from a dwarven adventurer, his life takes a seismic shift. Dwarves never leave Craig'n Dell and guests never visit, but now Matty wants to change all of that. With his cunning, bravery, and will, Matty sets off with his left foot forward... and stumbles. Join Matty as he embarks on a comedic fantasy adventure meant to captivate and amuse; where monsters, adventure, and unlikely companionship await! |
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The Erstwhile Tyler Kyle by Steve Hugh Westenra Tyler Kyle doesnât believe in monsters. A washed-up thirty-year-old actor and reluctant cryptid investigator, Tyler is used to playing the Scully to his best friend Joshâs Mulder on their stupidly popular YouTube channel. But when Tyler receives previously unseen footage of the B movie bombshell mother who abandoned him eighteen years agoâfootage linked to an isolated island in the Canadian wildernessâthe mystery is one conspiracy heâs determined to investigate. The fact that following the scent gives Tyler an excuse to run away from the âstraightâ Josh, whom he drunkenly made out with, is just the cherry on the shit sundae. But Echo Island isnât what it seems. Its eerily scenic veneer hides a twisted secret buried in its roots as a gay conversion camp, and as Tyler retraces his motherâs footsteps, he discovers a supernatural connection between the residents and the islandâone they seem to think Tyler and his mother share. Even worse, the footage of Tylerâs mom came from someone on the islandâa stalker whose obsessive fascination with both Tyler and Josh is about to make Tyler wish he hadnât gone this one alone. Puppeteered by his stalker, searching for his mother, and debating whether itâs possible to queerbait yourself, Tyler comes to realize that it doesnât matter so much whether you believe in monsters, if they believe in you. THE ERSTWHILE TYLER KYLE is an adult horror comedy for fans of GHOST FILES, BUZZFEED UNSOLVED, and TWIN PEAKS. |
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City planner by day, tired climate activist by day off, aspiring writer Zilla Novikovâs query letters quickly devolve into a darkly funny exploration of her own psyche. As the rejections pile up, her novel blurbs and biographies grow increasingly unhinged, while Zilla discovers that the road to bestseller-dom is paved with neoliberal hellscapes. |
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A light-hearted and lightly steamy fantasy/paranormal romance.... because sometimes falling in love can be harder than hunting the undead. Cassie Jones, the head of Jones' Post-Mortem Tracking Agency, has been cursed with a capital "C." Thanks to an unfortunate incident with an angry wizard, any guy she falls for is guaranteed to betray her. So when David MacDuff - the most mouthwatering man she's ever had the misfortune to meet - hires her to track his recently deceased brother, Gideon, she knows she's got to keep things strictly professional. Yeah, like that's gonna happen. Maybe she should have stuck to hunting vampires after all. |
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The Acorn Stories by Duane Simolke Visit the West Texas town of Acorn! Enjoy the German festival, a high school football game, homemade apple pie from the Turner Street CafĂ©, and the cool shade of a hundred-year-old oak tree. Meet dedicated teachers, unusual artists, shrewd business owners, closeted gays, and concerned neighbors. See how lives become intertwined in moments of humor or tragedy. Just be careful, because in Acorn, the sky is always falling! From romantic comedy to razor-sharp satire to moments of quiet reflection, Duane Simolkeâs award-winning tales transform a fictional West Texas town into a tapestry of human experiences. âA lush tangle of small-town life branches out in this engrossing collection of short stories.â âKirkus Reviews âThe ability to depict such a wide cross section of humanity, including details of each characterâs breadth of knowledge and experience, takes a talented, insightful author, and Duane Simolke is such a writer.â âE. Conley, Bettyâs Books |
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TOM by Dave Freer Tom is a cat in trouble. The worst possible kind of trouble: heâs been turned into a human. Transformed by an irascible old magician in need of a famulus -- a servant and an assistant, Tom is as good at being a servant as a cat ever is. The assistant part is more to Tomâs taste: he rather fancies impressing the girl cats and terrorizing the other toms by transforming himself into a tiger. But the world of magic, a vanished and cursed princess, and a haunted skull, and a demon in the chamber-pot, to say nothing of conspiring wizards and the wickedest witch in the west, all seem to be out to kill Tom. He is a cat coming to terms with being a boy, dealing with all this. He has a raven and a cheese as⊠sort of allies. And of course there is the princess. If you were looking for âWar and Peaceâ this is the wrong book for you. Itâs a light-hearted and gently satirical fantasy, full of terrible puns and⊠cats. |
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Path of Simon: Book One of the Infernal Jest by Thomas Marlowe Does power ever bow to the human constructs of good and evil or it simply obeys the hand that wields it? Afraid for his niece, gravedigger Tim Stockton goes against everything he believes in to help his brother-in-law settle a debt with the mob by stealing jewelry from a deceased rap starâs grave. But in that coffin Tim finds more than he bargained for. Trapped inside a ruby, an ancient power awakens from its slumber and possesses the gravedigger, leading him straight to the dungeon of the Order of Simon. There, plagued by the constant jabbering of his demonic captor and its cries of innocence echoing off the moldy walls, Tim must decide whether he will undertake the Path of Simon for the salvation of his soul and the future of the world as demonic legions from the pits of Hell seek to stake a claim for the entity within the gravedigger. With the aid of the inquisitors of the Order and unexpected allies from the worlds beyond, will Tim find strength to contain the power within and silence the rising doubts in his quest? Or will he falter and bring doom upon the humankind? |
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A syphilitic plague has ravaged the Sunshine State, transforming its residents into sex-crazed mutants. All is well, however, within the World Village, a walled-in retirement paradise that stretches across central Florida. But something stinks in the World Village-literally. The seniors have started worshipping their excrement. Enter Hank Shatley, a retired police detective with an unnatural fear of feces. To repay a life debt, Hank must go undercover in the World Village to investigate Alfred Peora, the community's enigmatic leader. Hank's fate is linked with that of Ryan Herro, a corporate lackey whose mother has fallen under Peora's spell. As Hank and Ryan's stories converge, the universe begins to unravel. Realities collide. Hell invades Earth. And at the center of it all is a mysterious young woman with a purple mohawk and unimaginable powers. Mark Zirbel, the Wonderland Award-nominated author of Cyberpunk Zombie Jihad, takes you through a cyberpunk-bizarro world filled with turd terrorists, nanite technology, corporate Satanism, shit golems, a syndicate of supervillains, bickering puppets, and an alien city modeled after 1980s crime movies. When you're on a journey like this, be sure to book your stopover in Shithole USA. |
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The Royal Matchmaking Competition: Princess Qloey by Zoiy G. Galloay One princess searching for her prince charming. Twelve princes, dukes, elves, and a commoner, competing for the princessâs heart. One assassin among the bachelors, plotting to kill the princess and bring the empire to its knees. Warning: this fantasy romance contains dangerously hot princes, sexy elves, and a heart-throbbing peasant. Read at your own risk! |
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Escape From Samsara: A Dark Comedy Fantasy Adventure (Prophecy Allocation) by Nicky Blue "Tear-inducingly funny and impossible to put down!" (OVER 100 FIVE STAR REVIEWS ACROSS AMAZON AND GOODREADS!) A fatal mistake catapults Barry Harris into the adventure of a lifetime. With talking hedges, samurai ghosts, meddling psychotherapists, and an inexplicably non-linear time pattern conspiring against him, Barry must do battle to save his hide, unleash the ninja within, and rescue his father from an ancient army, a dark sorcerer and a raging inferno. |
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Playing God is a dangerous game, even if you do write the rules and think theyâre pretty neat. Following a road-rage incident in which he was the victim, middle-aged cynic George Sanderson has an epiphany. He believes he has the power to influence fate and set the world to rights. During a meticulously-planned intervention to help his friend Angela Hayworth, the two fall in love. Georgeâs lonely existence looks set to improve. But heâs about to discover that playing games with peopleâs lives is fraught with danger. And when his life starts to fall apart, heâs forced to confront the frightening truth⊠Someone is manipulating him. But why? With his freedom and sanity at stake, George must fight for everything he holds dear â especially his lawn, his meat thermometer, and Angelaâs perfect teeth. Perfect for fans of Fredrik Backman, Graeme Simsion, Richard Osman, and Jonas Jonasson, Hacking George will put a smile on your face and a tear in your eye as it drives you towards its startling end. Editorial review "Not To Be Missed. If ever proof were needed that a good book doesnât need a tortuously complicated plot, a high body count and gratuitous sex and violence then this is it." â Reedsy Discovery |
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Invention Is a Mother by Rob Brownell RESPONSIBILITY IS OVERRATED. A recently graduated and happily unemployed engineer, Shaughnessy shirks responsibility whenever possible. He coasts through life, sidestepping every opportunity to follow in his father Waltonâs footsteps, until Walton begins to suspect that he has MFD (Mysterious Fatal Disease). The family coerces Shaughnessy to impersonate his father as a senior engineer at Critical Think Inc. There, he is immediately entangled in the development of an irrational consumer product. Pressured to innovate in the face of absurd challenges and fantastical demands, Shaughnessy teeters on the edge between breakthrough and breakdown. In a near future where you are what you wear, can an idling young engineer successfully navigate corporate startup culture, accept his familyâs medical crisis, and harness his full creative potential? Fans of The Hitchhikerâs Guide to the Galaxy and Good Omens will enjoy laugh-out-loud collisions with the limits of reason in Invention Is a Mother. |
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Norse Mythology for Bostonians: A Transcription of the Impudent Edda by Rowdy Geirsson Norse Mythology for Bostonians is a humorous retelling of the trials and tribulations of Odin, Thor, and the other Norse gods. Regarded as an authentic, new "Edda" (as the original Icelandic source material is called), the main narrative is told in the charmingly quaint dialect of a foul-mouthed Bostonian. New mythological episodes, such as Thor's attempt to renew his driver's license and Odin's mysterious journey to Boston Common, supplement the more traditional stories such as Odin's acquisition of the mead of poetry and the theft of Idunn's apples of youth. Substantial historical background information about the myths is provided in the introductory material, as well as in the footnotes that occur throughout the volume. Based on the long-running McSweeney's Internet Tendency column Norse History for Bostonians, Norse Mythology for Bostonians, introduces readers to a fresh, new perspective on both familiar and previously unknown narratives of Norse mythology. |
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The Chronicles of Spoony, Vols. 1-3 by Jim Larsen Spoony is a kid with a heart of gold. He loves hugs, he loves affection, and he values friendship and family. But there is something about him that isnât quite right. He canât kick a ball, he canât play Duck Duck Goose, and he confuses regular people for clowns. He thinks a fictitious character on an old TV show is his dad, and he just has a general way of ruining things for other people while remaining blissfully unaware. His mom isnât much better. Embarrassed by the drunken one-night stand that created Spoony, she has perpetrated numerous lies to save face and avoid humiliation over the truth that Spoonyâs father real father is the lanky Burt Peppermill, and that an overindulgence of lime flavored Jell-O shooters led her to lower her standards enough to let him touch her in that way. All her lies, however, come crashing down on them both the day Spoony finally kicks a ball in P.E. class, resulting in a trip to the emergency room where a number of surprises await. The Chronicles of Spoony, Vols. 1-3 offer delightfully dark reminders of how our words and actions around children shape their beliefs and affect their lives in profound and often invisible ways. |
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A Love Extreme is the greatest double debut album you've probably never heard -- but really should! B is for Benji, an aspiring musician with a bad case of writerâs block and a love story heâs not allowed to tell (but does anyways). C is for Count, Benjiâs roommate who wants to help him get his groove back. D is for DJ, Câs love interest who may or may not be D as in dead. E is for Evilon. (Heâs the villain, if that wasnât clear from his nameâŠ) F is for Frank, the strong silent neighbor down the hall. G is for genre, a difficult concept to apply here. Is it a) Comedy? b) Romance? c) Fairy Tale? d) Magical Realism? e) Faux Biography? f) Infomercial? g) Album-oriented Fan Fiction? Letâs go with⊠H) All of the above! IJK are letters weâre skipping in this very absurd blurb. L is forâŠwell, nobody really knows what L stands for. Thatâs part of the mystery that makes her extreme. M is for Mmmmmm, the title of a dreamy chapter near the midpoint. N is for Narrator. Thatâs me, your guide on this journey. Oh boy! Presenting Quarkle's ramshackle story the universe values with Xtreme youthful zest. (That rounds out our alphabet, but only scratches the surface of our wild tale.) L EXTREME: An original novel by JL Civi, based on the songs of Benji Hughes A novel based on an album is a book with a killer soundtrack. |
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Bonkpocalypse by L. A. Guettler Bonk isnât a normal cat. Itâs glitchy, rusty, its eyes donât matchâand itâs only getting worse. Red Darkling, its owner and all-around space babe, is determined to find out whatâs wrong. Redâs investigation takes her across the galaxy, from Chuckâs Tap to the Whoreâs Knuckles, from Dr. Mnâs Vet Clinic and Oil Change Emporium to The Meaty Noodle. Along the way, sheâs joined by a lounge lizard, a government assassin and her busty wife, and some suspiciously hospitable monks. Will Red uncover Bonkâs secret? Who is Todhunter Balzac? And will she ever get that damn FlinkBar jingle out of her head? Advance praise for Bonkpocalypse âItâs just the book I was looking for." ~The Serendipitous Teh âA powerful exploration of a young womanâs struggle to find her place in the galaxy.â ~Fritzi Giggler âMore fun than a Câlongi bachelor party.â ~Dirk Largo |
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The Scandinavian Aggressors by Rowdy Geirsson An offbeat odyssey into the freezing heart of the modern Northlands The Scandinavian Aggressors chronicles Rowdy Geirsson's tireless quest to uncover the secret history of the early 21st century's resurgence of authentic viking activity known as the Modern Viking Movement. Along the way he meets modern viking luminaries such as Trond "Troll-Breath" Trondsen, who successfully raided a historic monastery's gift shop in England; Björn Svensson, who habitually recited classic rock lyrics at the site of each of his infamous berserkings; and Ingrid Törnblom, who founded an elite warrior sisterhood that drew comparisons to the Spartans of ancient Greece, the Samurai of feudal Japan, and perhaps most flattering of all, the Jedi Knights of the Intergalactic Republic. Encounters with additional Neo-Norse individuals augment the journey, revealing long-hidden details about the slaying of a creepy troll in Beowulf's homeland, the brewing of craft beer from within pagan burial mounds, and the suffering of horrendous digestive problems amidst the breathtaking natural beauty of Iceland's remarkable landscape. Topical, informative, and highly insightful, The Scandinavian Aggressors not only provides essential reading for anyone with even a remote interest in the Modern Viking Movement, but also spins a darn good yarn about the fragility of the Scandinavian condition. |
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Why Odin Drinks by BjĂžrn Larssen In the beginning there was confusion. Then Gods created people. Confusion was better. Well, have YOU ever woken up not knowing how to God properly? Poor Odin must restrain his brothers, who create offensive weapons such as mosquitoes and celery; placate his future-telling wife, Frigg, who demands sweatpants with pockets; listen to Lokiâs Helpful Questions; hang himself from Yggdrasil for nine days with a spear through his side (as you do); teach everyone about nutritional values of kale (but NOT celery); meet a Wise Dom, Sir Daddy MĂmir, in order to outwit those who outwit him; and, most importantly, prove he is The All-Father, while his brothers are, at best, Those-Uncles-We-Donât-Talk-About. This nearly (except in Vanaheim) universally acclaimed retelling of the Godsâ first millennium answers way too many questions, including ones on Freyrâs entendre, horse designing⊠and why Odin drinks. 'So, I loved it! Here's my quote: "Funny, quirky and surreal, this is the Norse myth you've been craving." Will it do?' â Joanne Harris, author of The Gospel of Loki and Chocolat Why Odin Drinks, a Norse Mythology retelling for fans of Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams, Jenny Lawson, and Calvin & Hobbes is suitable for readers aged 14+. The book features no graphic descriptions, although some characters wish it would. |
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Am I Alone? John K by Stephanie Vlahos John K hurtles to Mars. He is a chance hero - the first person to travel to Mars. Alone. in a space capsule, lonely in his reflections, yet he finds love. He contemplates Earth - a failing planet with a collapsing ecology. The beautiful green and blue which is fast disappearing. What does the future hold for John K. and all those he has left behind. |
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Blazing Coffins by Jowsey Jones Jowsey Jones is the newest comedy fantasy voice in town and he brings you a tumbling SFF farce with Blazing Coffins, the first in The Monster Twins series. Theda and Wolfie are The Monster Twins and boy, do they have their hands full in this madcap good vs evil romp with a mind-boggling cast of monstrosities. Sad sack Theda is woken from a horrible hex and finds there is more to life than drudgery in her uncleâs wonky funeral parlour. Something is tingling in her teeth, and waitâŠwhy has her dimwit hunk of a brother sprouted a tail? Before long, the twins are chasing around a bizarro America trying to save their parents from a lunatic sorcerer with pharaonic delusions. They face an army of crackpot enemies: a vampire haberdasher and his toothy cohort, bumbling claymen, and a beautiful, insatiable nightmare from the ancient Steppes. Even Santa gets a cameo, and he isnât very nice at all. Thankfully, they have some monsters of their own to help: an old-school Frankencouple and a Green Man with his snippety eco-warrior wife. Plus a trio of cheerful dead people, the worldâs worst paranormal investigator, and a lovelorn bogman in dire need of moisturiser. Welcome to a fearless frolic that sacrifices anything for a laugh. Get your giggles here with Blazing Coffins. |
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The Mystery Of The Murdered Guy by G.M. Nair After their very public triumph over the sinister machinations of the Future Group, Michael Duckett and Stephanie Dyer's accidental detective agency has become a household name. Practically overnight, they've cemented their place as the city's go-to sleuths for solving the weird, oddball cases that would confuse and irritate anyone else. Join them as they tackle the mysteries of a medically licensed vampire, a mysterious mad bomber, a genderfluid reverse werewolf, and the true meaning of Christmas - just to name a few. Meanwhile, an aging billionaire obsesses over his plans to achieve immortality, which could mean dire consequences for the world. But with Duckett & Dyer: Dicks For Hire on the case, what could go wrong? If you said 'everything', you'd be correct. |