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D.N. Schmidt is a science fiction author, humorist, and brain in a jar.



They Ate The Waitress?

They Ate The Waitress? by D.N. Schmidt

A delightfully funny murder mystery full of wit, wordplay, and cannibalism. Nick Wergild is a private detective armed only with his wits and an atomic-powered electroshock gun. One evening, while under the influence of powerful hallucinogens, he is hired to investigate a murder at a local restaurant called “Hand to Mouth”. It seems the customers ate one of the staff. And she didn’t even volunteer for the job.Nick has to find a way to solve the case without a body or a crime scene. Along the way, he also has to survive hit men, bomb-throwing security guards, bad puns, and a homicidal politician. Will he live long enough to solve the case? Can you really trust the owner of a restaurant for cannibals? What does human flesh really taste like? And why does furniture keep falling from the sky? If you love humor, mysteries, and anything weird, you don't want to miss this!

The Doom Tapes

The Doom Tapes by D.N. Schmidt

Enjoy fifteen science fiction short stories filled with adventure, aliens, robots, and monsters! Take your flying car to the drive-in because the show’s about to start! In "The Doom Tapes", the earth is invaded by aliens. The only ones who can save the world are the clerks at Last Chance Video, the last movie rental store that still stocks VHS. “Robot Eden” is the story of a trio of machines wandering a post-apocalyptic wasteland in search of the one place humans can never enter. Gangs of survivors fight them at every turn, seeking to scrap them for parts. In “The Many Bodies of Harlan Thorne”, a spacefaring assassin has a collection of cloned bodies, each with a different super power. It’s a great life, until a clone refuses to go back into storage. In “The Texas Creepers”, a man plays poker with parasites from another dimension. “Mystery Meat Monster” features a truck stop in space, aliens, ray guns, and the galaxy’s most dangerous meatloaf. The collection also includes the novella “The Asteroid Heist.” A thief and conman has a plan to pull off the biggest crime in history. But how do you steal three miles of space rock?

The Screaming Void

The Screaming Void by D.N. Schmidt

Can a criminal crew of space junk salvagers really save the universe? Jay Jordan and his crew travel the Domain, bending the law like a pretzel and sneaking their loot past wormhole security. The crew gets hired to retrieve a ship lost in the Screaming Void, the most dangerous place in space. Everyone wants the homicidal space gangsters, the tyrannical interstellar government, even the otherworldly Architect Church. Can the crew keep the ship from falling into the wrong hands? Are the Architects really guiding Jay, or are they just a myth? And what’s so important about one junk ship?

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